Don’t Be a Wimp!

Nobody respects a cream puff unless it turns up on an afternoon tea trolley.

The same goes for push overs, wimps and wuses.  They get steamrolled by more aggressive personalities.

Sadly, if you’re not willing to stand up for yourself, you’ll be screwed over.  If you’re going through a divorce, the person doing the screwing will be the one who once vowed to love, honor and cherish you.

So, to all the ladies who are supposed to receive child support:  if the ex doesn’t pay or doesn’t pay the full amount, please, please,  PLEASE don’t just let it go.

I did.  I figured since my Boy and I were getting by, I didn’t need to raise a stink to collect the full amount from the Sailor.

Big mistake!

Why is it such a big deal to let child support slide if you’re not using the Food Bank to feed the kids and you have a roof over your heads?

  1. You’re actually short changing your children when you let unpaid child support go.  That money was awarded for your kiddos’ comfort and security.  You’d never steal money from them, so why would you let some deadbeat effectively do it by withholding child support?
  2. It costs money to raise happy, healthy children–lots of money.  The Cash Fairy isn’t going to step in and help just because your ex isn’t meeting his/her parenting obligations.  You’ll see your own savings for things like retirement or the kids’ post secondary education dwindle as you cough up more and more to meet the child support short fall.
  3. Don’t assume everything will even out in the divorce because karma will be on your side.  Hello!–an ex who will screw over his kids isn’t going to be bothered about treating you fairly and respectfully.  It’s much easier to fix the financial messes as they happen, rather than hoping to collect years of unpaid child support retroactively.

 

020

Dog Days of Summer

Ugh–someone is having trouble settling into her new digs.

By trouble, I mean she barks and whines anytime I leave her alone for more than about a minute.

A small dog with issues is able to achieve an impressive volume level.

Since the cottage isn’t particularly sound proof, I have to go to work and it’s too hot to leave her in the car while I toil to put a roof over our heads, this means I have trouble, too.  Big trouble.

I’m a believer in the power of the professional so we went to Penny’s least favourite place–the vet.

Apparently all the recent changes have proved to be too much for her small canine brain to process.  Just sending our beloved boy off to university was likely enough to upset her equilibrium, never mind everything else we’re enduring.

I’m grateful the vet and her staff didn’t judge me for raising a neurotic dog.  Instead, they provided hand-outs on dealing with separation anxiety in dogs and the golden ticket–pharmaceuticals.

Penny has some low-dose tranquilizers to get her through the rough first days of work.  I, on the other hand, will be dealing with all the stress of a new job on my own.

We also have a bottle of artificial dog pheromones to spray on her bed to relax her.  Apparently, it smells like a mother dog, which I suppose would be calming for a dog who is feeling abandoned.

The best news is the spray won’t cause me to start licking myself and humping strangers’ legs as it has no affect on humans.  (Yes, I had to ask.)

In the event none of this helps my little friend, the vet clinic can offer her doggy day care so at least she’s not pissing off the neighbours with her incessant barking.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?002

 

A Marsh March

Walking relaxes me and clears my head.  It’s healthier and more socially acceptable than my other coping technique–wine.

Thankfully, my new town on the Sunshine Coast (how can you not smile when you hear that name?) is filled with gorgeous spots to wander.

The dog and I discovered a peaceful duck-filled marsh practically on our doorstep.

Normally I like my walks to end at Starbucks, but I’m feeling a marsh-ian vibe these days.  Watching those gangly frizzy-feathered ducklings trooping past almost makes me forget the first sip of a piping hot nonfat latte.

What do you do when it all gets to be too much?

 

On the Road Again–Sigh

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As an introverted 50-something, I feel like I should be settling in and hunkering down for the next stage of life–retirement–woo hoo!

Instead the big dirty D has thrown my life into a tizzy, and I’m starting over in a new community.

How did this happen, you ask.

The Coles Notes version is that I left my Sailor once before. After a wobbly start, my Boy and I made a new life for ourselves.

Then the Sailor started hanging out at my house…every weekend. He pretended to be responsible and mature. And slowly, he wormed his way back into my life. (Don’t judge me–single mothering is hard!)

In a truly spectacular display of poor judgment, I sold my house and put all my cash into a “retirement” home for the Sailor and me.

My Boy and I moved in with the Sailor… and his web tightened around us.

It was all good in a zany “I Love Lucy” way until I started catching the Sailor in lies that made the bile rise to the back of my throat like the start of an ugly migraine.

We’d been down this road before. I was sure he was a changed man.

Wrong! Repeat after me, my pretties, people don’t change!
What was that–People DON’T change!

A few months into our new, improved life and marriage, I learned about his BS (Big Secret).

Realizing I’d rather live in a tent under a bridge than stay with him…I became a long-term tenant in a vacation cottage in my new town.

Remember I said I sunk all my money into our future retirement home? Fun fact–I can’t access any of it until this never-ending divorce is done and dusted. I’m stuck in this weird housing limbo, worrying about how I’m supposed to change my driver’s license and car insurance when I no longer have a fixed address.

The rest of my little family?

My darling boy’s at university. He makes me proud to be his mama everyday.

The Sailor alternates between trying to squeeze every penny out of me (that’s right–he’s demanding a huge payout from the home I bought) and asking me to come back to him…’cause everyone knows trying to screw over a woman is the key to winning her heart.

He has never apologized for his BS or made any effort to resolve it.